EP 43: ADDRESSING CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH MARY LAMBRECHT, LMFT

Today’s episode covers something that pretty much everyone will go through at one time or another in their lives; conflict in relationships. It is often joked about that opposites attract and a common difference that creates that opposition is contrasting approaches to life. One partner may look at things from a fact-based viewpoint while another may come from a more emotional perspective. Really, there is no right and wrong, but these differing positions can certainly create conflict! When that happens, what do you do? Local counsellor, Mary Lambrecht, hopes to answer that question in today’s discussion. Mary is a Texas and Wisconsin State-licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who is passionate about helping couples learn healthy habits and patterns in communication and conflict resolution. With Mary, partners and families learn how core differences, family-of-origin patterns, and emotional wiring affect their respect and understanding of the other and, in this episode, you’ll hear about some of the helpful (and healthy) tools she teaches for communicating, understanding, and addressing conflict better. Tune in today to find out more!

Key Points From This Episode:

  • An introduction to Mary Lambrecht and her practice as a marriage and family therapist.
  • Hear about the differences between facts and feelings, logic and emotions.
  • Why you might be more fact or feeling-oriented, from genetics to environmental factors.
  • What would be helpful for a fact-oriented person to know in order to better understand and connect with their feeling-oriented partner.
  • Understanding that efforts go a long way when we are hardwired differently.
  • You don’t have to fully understand your partner’s viewpoint in order to step into their shoes.
  • How trauma can compound conflict and cause heightened anxiety for feeling-oriented people.
  • Find out how it plays out if this anxiety goes unrecognized; a common response is to step back or withdraw completely.
  • How fact-oriented people can use cues to convey their feelings, dreams, and priorities.
  • Mary explains why anxiety often manifests as anger or contempt for fact-oriented people.
  • Problem-solving or “solutionizing” and how it can diminish anxiety for a fact-oriented person.
  • Tips for navigating these differences when they arise: extending the hand of grace.
  • Remember that being fact-oriented or feeling-oriented isn’t wrong or right, just different!
  • If you detect confusion in your partner, it’s up to you to clarify what you’re thinking or feeling.
  • How to know if you need couple’s counseling: if you keep getting stuck in the same conflict.
  • Why it can be difficult to come to a resolution when you’re so close to the situation.
  • Different approaches in couple’s counseling that you can seek out, such as family systems or cognitive behavioral therapy.
  • Hear about Gottman Method Couples Therapy and some other resources that Mary shares.
  • Ending on a story of hope: how two partners respected and made room for each other’s fact or feeling orientation, perspectives, and needs.
  • Why there is no task or interaction too small to be significant regarding honor and respect.

 

Tweetables:

“Of high importance to the feeling-oriented person is to be understood.” — Mary Lambert, LMFT [0:07:10]

“Efforts go a long way because, when we’re hardwired differently, it can be hard to understand each other’s point.” — Mary Lambert, LMFT [0:08:26]

“Looking for the dream or the priority underneath the facts is very important.” — Mary Lambert, LMFT [0:16:41]

“Couples can get caught in the same unhealthy cycles of communication, and that triggers the same unhealthy response or reactions, and that triggers anxiety. A counsellor can help to interrupt that unhealthy cycle, early in the conflict, with new insights.” — Mary Lambert, LMFT [0:24:45]

“There’s nothing too small to put significance [on] regarding honor and respect and moving over to the other’s perspective, no task or interaction too small in daily life.” — Mary Lambert, LMFT [0:40:23]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Mary Lambrecht, LMFT on LinkedIn

Family Help Counseling & Seminars

Dr. Brent Atkinson

The Couples Clinic

‘Core Differences’

‘The Twelve Step Sequence’

’10 Habits for Emotionally Intelligent Couples’

Dr. Susan Johnson

The Gottman Method

The Gottman Institute

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail

LoveNudge App

Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy

The Body Keeps the Score

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