I am that demographic! They even make t-shirts now. While I don’t like many labels, I also don’t like people feeling alone in their situation. I’m a planner but most of us never made a plan for this life. For my whole life, God’s had a big way of showing me plans are His and not mine. He’s not too subtle with me. I guess that’s what comes with His people that try to plan too much on their own. But I try hard to make the most of how God filled my shoes. I try! For me, I know my little bundle of active joy gets me up everyday, be it a little earlier than I’d choose, with a smile on my face. I act super silly…way sillier than I did as a young mother…and I see life through new eyes. I also slow down,,,some days! But I also have to get up off the floor with a grunt (now imitated by you know who!) going to my knees first and sometimes pausing there for a moment to catch my breath. And I go to bed pretty darn early with achy aging joints. Don’t call me after 8:00 PM!
I am blessed with so much support, but some days I honestly do feel alone in this journey. I cry ugly tears some days during his nap time. I am being honest. Envy for my empty nester friends traveling the world, heck…for my friends going to the bathroom without an audience? Absolutely, guilty of envy. I am being honest. And with my incredible support, I do get to travel more than so many in my shoes. I have three trips already planned for this next year. Impromptu as I had thought would be the case at my age and “stage?” No! So much planning on childcare for every trip and for every outing AGAIN! But hey, I am a planner. Trips fill me with the anticipation I need to carry on with joy in my heart. They are important for my relationship with my husband, the grandfather raising his grandson. The grandfather that will work for so many years to keep healthcare going….that’s our reality. I just figured out why he says he’ll work until he’s 75. “Choose Joy” is a big mantra of mine. I believe it! I like those t-shirts better.
My heart aches every day for my daughter, my grandson’s mother, and her illness and inability to parent this precious soul. Addiction is a tough road. The illness strips you of the feelings most of us see as natural. But I have hope for her learning to manage her disease, and I find strength with my faith. I am proud of her current desire to fight harder to improve her situation. It’s a big commitment, and I pray she’s up for the tough work this time around. My faith does keep me realistic, grounded and focused on TODAY knowing I’m doing just what God wants me to be doing TODAY, loving on my little buddy every second. He deserves that love from me, and I’m grateful I have the opportunity to provide it.
If you know of a grandmother doing life full time or even heavy part-time with her grand child(ren) like I am, please invite her to our Mosaics of Mercy page. Or send me a private message with her contact info. I’d love to have coffee with her and invite her to a mosaic heart session ~ no labels, just an understanding of how life takes different twists. I’d actually like to maybe start a quarterly support group or book club. It’s nice to feel community with someone in your shoes. God had big plans for my shoes and for those of my little buddy! I just have to remember it’s His plan, not mine.
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)